by M.C. Antil Network Tag Lines Without the Filter While watching cable network promos I wondered what it would be like if Jim Carrey’s character in "Liar, Liar" produced tag lines for cable networks. (If you recall, Carrey played a cynical lawyer incapable of lying, no matter how hard he tried.) As I contemplated the possibility of marrying the Liar, Liar premise, so rife with its possibilities, and the world of cable promos, I started to jot down some tag lines that I thought Carrey’s character might have developed, had he been so inclined. And so as not to force my editors into writing a heavy-handed disclaimer, to my programming brothers and sisters, believe me, all these were developed with great affection and are presented in the spirit of good, clean fun. They are my opinions, not those of the editorial staff of CableFAX Daily. A&E: Arts Schmarts. BBC America: Zzzzzzzz Biography: Where 15 minutes of fame can turn into a full hour of programming. Cartoon: Hey, throw enough things against the wall, something’s bound to stick! CNBC: WE ARE NOT MSNBC, DAMN IT! CNN: The Larry King of news networks. Comedy: Stop us if you’d heard this one… C-SPAN: Demystifying your government, one congressman at a time. Discovery: If it hunts or mates on all fours, we’ve got it. ESPN: Don’t you wish you were this cool? ESPN2: Or this rich? Fox News: We report. We decide. You drink the Kool Aid. HBO: Smarter than you’ll ever be. Headline News: The Rio Grande of news networks…a mile wide and an inch deep! HGTV: Don’t try this at home. Lifetime: All Valerie Bertinelli, Connie Selleca and Meredith Baxter Birney, all the time! MSNBC: Somehow, still here. MTV: Hope we die before we get old. Nickelodeon: TV for kids in the last row. Outdoor Life: Get one – a life, that is. Showtime: Still #2 Spike: TV with the toilet seat up. TBS: Where too much is never enough. TNT: We know people who know drama. Trio: Cable’s answer to a tree falling in the forest. USA: Thank God our name is easy to remember. VH1: Reinvented more times than Madonna! The Weather Channel: No kidding, that’s all we’ve got – around the clock! YES: Maybe All complaints should be sent to M.C. Antil at firstname.lastname@example.org.